The Squatch Bot
Your server’s wildest watchdog
Squatch keeps watch over your game servers and refreshes a live status embed every single minute: players, map, and the join address, waiting right there in your Discord.
Squatch lives in your Discord and does one job the way a ranger runs a radio post: short, current, and impossible to misread. He watches your game servers, walks the trail between them every minute, and posts what he finds, no dashboards to babysit, no bot pretending to be five tools at once.
Pick your worlds, Squatch tracks them all from the same channel and speaks each platform’s native query language.
Live server status
One clean embed per server: name, map, capacity, live players, and the join address. Squatch quietly keeps that exact message current, no repost spam, no stale numbers, no scrolling for the truth.
Resilient monitoring
A blipped ping doesn’t paint a healthy server red. Squatch retries on a bounded schedule, leans on a 15-second shared cache when the trail gets muddy, and falls back to direct queries safely. A priority query queue feeds a separate delivery queue, so one busy community can’t starve the rest.
Your camp, your rules
Choose player-list themes, hide or rename fields, localize status text, and add up to three useful links. Every setup step happens in a private thread until you publish.
Player analytics
Private reports show average and peak population, query success, latency, and maps across 24-hour, 7-day, and 30-day ranges. Charts render server-side as crisp PNGs, no third-party scripts, and every player is counted through a privacy-hashed, server-specific alias.
One live status embed for each game server, refreshed every minute. Sample data shown here, the real thing speaks your server’s language.
Squatch
APP
Today at 8:30 PM
Squatch asks only for what it needs to post and refresh status. No Administrator. No Manage Messages. Server tools stay behind Discord’s Manage Server permission.
Tracks look good from here
Yooo. Bot awake. Forest weird. Your status? Covered.
Invite SquatchFree to use · Five permissions · No Administrator